Dear Althea and Donna,

Re: Uptown Top Ranking


Thank you for opting to wear your khaki suits and ting (uh!) when introduced by Tony Blackburn on Top of the Pops 2 recently.

As has been ably demonstrated by many others such as Baccara, Mel & Kim and, arguably Bananarama (1992 onwards), and although this admirable tradition was bought into disrepute by The Cheeky Girls in 2002 (Touch My Bum, they demanded), the delivery of a pop song on national television should in no way be dependent upon the female duo’s undergarmentry exposure.

Although one is admittedly confused as to how such a myocardial infarction could be triggered, it was therefore a relief not to see you in your pants and ting (uh!), or, indeed, your ‘alter back, and consequently, Sey you gi' mi ‘eart attack (uh!).

More impressively, unless it be true I no know and ting (uh!), you appear to both have a clockword pelvis, or, at least, hip and ting (uh!), which operate at small bursts of low frequencies, and you have them going and ting (uh!), If indeed one can make you wind up your waist if given likkle bass, it may be a a good idea to consider auditioning for ''Jamaica’s Got Talent'' if you have that in your country.

I look forward to hearing from you via strictly conventional roots and must admit, given that all I have is a Nissan Juke and it is pouring down with rain here to being slightly envious that you have a Benz and ting, drivin' through constant Spring (uh!). On the plus side the roads are quite clear here and we therefore do not have to check how we jamming and ting (uh!). My son David also points out that I am not really with it fashion-wise so well done for pointing out ''nah pop no style''.


Derek Philpott and Thing (UK spelling)


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