Dear Anvil

My wife Jean runs a small cottage insustry called Philpottery from our home, making clay popstar animal fridge magnets such as Lady Budgerigar, James HetField Mouse, Lion Tatler, ChimpanZZTop, Piggy Stardust, Nine Inch Snails, Swanny Rotten, Sharc Bolan, Axololtl Rose, Sheep Trick and Cheetah Gabriel*

Up until yesterday she was running the business from a dining tray on her lap on our sofa. However, after Moose Dickinson's antlers came off when she got up quickly to answer the phone, and, inspired by listening to you at that very moment on Spotify, we resolved to invest in a self assembly IKEA stainless steel work table. Our decision was primarily based on listening to one of your 'pre-thrash crowd-pleasers', on the assumption that a ''Metal On Metal'' nuts, bolts and alloy construct would be both light and sturdy and help ''stop me'' putting my back out when lifting.

Sadly when putting it together, many diffficulties, far from being what I crave, were encountered. The legs were uneven, which, instead of achieving stability made it keep on rocking, keep on rocking, and I distinctly remember getting quite angry when trying to manually screw a wingnut into a fiddly right angle to hear your correctly observe that thumbs will twist.

In the end we had no option but to return the half finished item to the retailer and exchange it for a more practical if less aesthetically pleasing alternative, of which there many.

With this in mind, and in order that others may not feel the grind that Jean and I have experienced, we would be most grateful to hear a re-recorded version as soon as possible, entitled possibly ''Timber on Timber'', ''MDF on MDF'' or ''Hardboard on Plywood'', as soon as possible


Derek Philpott



Reply from Anvil received 21/4/2015


Dear Derek


Great to hear from you


Sorry to hear you have had difficulties with your ikea decision ....


"WHEN CHAINS OF DEATH HAVE BEEN UNLEASHED"..with furniture assembly tasks, make sure you don't cut yourself leaving "BLOOD ON


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With Immense Thanks To Kev Moore


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