Dear Brotherhood of Man,

Although I am rather taken by your Eurovision Smash it’s ''impossible to stay'' objective.

Unlike records or DVD’s by the Geisha-aping rockers who sang ‘Rock’n’Roll All Night’, I fear that you will find it not actually possible to ''save one’s kisses'' for a third party, no matter how cute their ''little way''. Given that a peck or ‘puckering up’ (regardless of the affection or passion inherent in generating it) is little more than a below-nose contortion, it is unfortunately not possible for either to be retained in a storage system of any description for retrieval at a later time.

Furthermore, unlike Angelo and his partner running away together, running away forever, with, as it turned out, disasterous consequences, it would appear that in your own case, ''why you go away'' is merely to because ''you’ve got to work each day''. If you will pardon my impertinence, Brotherhood of Man, it is hardly as if you are working on an oil rig or are ''roadying'' for Bob Dylan on his ''Never Ending Tour''. The suggestion that you return each evening at the end of your shift is obvious, clearly rendering counting the seconds till you’re home a tad melodramatic.

As an aside, delaying your departure from the house via ''hanging on for one more smile'' means that you might very well ''walk out the door'' and miss your bus or train if travelling to your job on public transport. Ironically, if this unprofessional behaviour is repeated on a five day a week basis, this may result in your being laid off, rendering all need to for ''smacker'' hoarding, if you will pardon the pun, redundant.

There's one thing I must say before I go, Brotherhood of Man. We sincerely hope your response is all encompassing or we’ll soon be back for more.

Yours sincerely



Derek Philpott (and son)

©2009-2014 Dawson-Rice | Website designed with the splendid help of Oast One.