Dear Mr. Wilson

Re; Mary's Prayer

If there is one thing that my wife Jean cannot abide, Mr. Wilson, it is what she colloquially and charmingly refers to as a ''waste of electric''. Our last tumble dryer was only most previously permitted to be utilised when suddenly the rain came down contrary to Ian McCaskill advocating a full drum. 'Standby' is frowned upon, and all rooms must be re-darkened upon exit, even if I have every intention of going straight back in

She was therefore particularly piqued, and not to say a little befuddled, to hear your empyrean firmament energy wastage adjurement on Dave Bradford's Request Show as we made our way to The Salad Centre for brunch yesterday

To the best of our knowledge Daniel, celestial effulgence is generated by divinity, and we can locate no reference on the excellent Bible Gateway 'website' to said sacred luminescence being connected to a filament and power station or back up generator in the hereafter for the well-behaved. Although soaring energy costs applying in a transcendental catchment area where ''everything is wonderful and everything is free'' are admittedly doubtful, we still consider your implication that hallowed salvation may by attained by those that ''leave a light on in Heaven'' positions your claim that you used to be so careless squarely in the present tense and sets a rather poor example to the Earthbound, many of whom are at the mercy of EDF or on a Pay As You Go key meter.

On an unrelated matter with regard to your healthy food dislodging tip, I fear that you may be misleading your "sophisti-pop following" somewhat. At our old house we were lucky enough to have a very sturdy tree in the back garden that blessed us with many a strudel. In my experience ''if you want the fruit to fall'' you do not '' have to give the tree a shake''. Any attempt to vigorously jiggle a steadfast and mature trunk will only result in a resolutely static stem and a possibly hernia in the case of the hapless bole shudderer. ''The bough is going to break'', Daniel, under no circumstance consequential to an ineffectual disturbance to a stalk of some girth way beneath the targeted limb. As for your assertion that Mary can blow you up there if you cannot reach the top of the tree, Jean sometimes has a dizzy spell just from trying to cool her soup down, hence I fail to fathom how any lady of like stature can summon sufficient breath to hoist a full grown man to an utmost vertical foliage point of up to 12 metres

In conclusion, therefore, if you are ever afforded the opportunity to re-inform your listeners of the least hazardous method of picking apples, pears, or cherries, it should be to pluck them off from a step ladder securely held by a third party

I trust that the above observations have been informative and look forward to any further deity-petitioning balladry being of an accurately ''green'' nature overall.




Derek Philpott




Reply from 'Daniel GC Wilson' received 10/12/2014


Dear Mr Philpott

Thank you for concerned epistle. I'll try to address your points thoroughly as they are all worthy of examination and, I hope, some explanation.

To address your first issue, it would appear that you have misheard or misinterpreted the final line of the chorus as

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