Dear Dr. from Dr. and The Medics

 

Prepare yourself. You know it's a must

Forgive me for stating that unless you are specifically referring to any of several Old World herbs belonging to the genus Medicago in the pea family, your 'band handle' is difficult to fathom by dint of its puzzling estrangement between a doctor, who is a medic, and other identical practitioners, who are also medics.

Your befuddling differentiation is akin to, for example, ''Centre Forward and The Footballers'', ''Cashier and The Bank Staff'', ''Musician and The Instrument Players'', ''Taxidermist and The Deceased Animal Stuffers'', ''Disc Jockey and The People That Play Records And Talk In Between Them'', ''Funeral Director and The Undertakers'' and/or, with apologies, ''Politician and The Fibber''.

 

Fortunately, your error can be corrected by a simple insertion of the word 'other' directly after the word 'and', or even simpler, by 'rebranding' yourselves as ''The Doctors'', (although I can find no record of any of you on The Register, which could lead to legal issues). Also, as a piece of friendly advice, you may wish to consider updating your fey male siblings the from the Anadin to the ''Ibuprofen Brothers'', in order to acknowledge the UK's current leading over the counter pain reliever and be seen as more 'with it' in this day and age.

 

Yours

 

 

Derek Philpott

 

Dear Mr Philpott

Thank you for your very direct and not uncritical letter about the apparent factual inconsistencies in my band name. It can’t have been easy being that open and honest to someone who is, after all, a total stranger to you. It displays great character and also a commendable concern for your fellow man (Or woman, though frankly why a woman would bother herself with this nonsense while they have a planet to run is beyond me!) in as much as modern life throws so many levels of confusion at us that such inconsistencies can only add to the maelstrom of bewilderment that seems to define modern life.

As such your letter has caused me many months of agitated deliberation and, if I’m honest, personal suffering and a great deal of guilt as over the past 34 years many, less vocal than yourself, may have suffered in silence as a result of my clear oversight. Indeed I have halted all recording projects as a result. In fairness this is no great loss to the Art World as 30 years working on a follow up single may be considered by some to be less than prolific.

I had considered the factor of exclusivity in as much as a Doctor is a Medic but a Medic may not be necessarily be a Doctor in the same way that not all mechanics are called Mike, not all Hurricanes are called Johnny, no Comet has ever been called Bill and Dominoes don’t have names.

But this is quite clearly grasping at straws and doesn’t stand up to close examination as we still have the fact that a Doctor IS a Medic and there are mechanics called Mike and, God knows why, as a lonely child with no real friends, I called my favourite Domino Derek?

Quite clearly I owe our tens of fans a public apology and a name change is clearly needed and, if possible, made retrospective to cover all previous releases.

I have yet to decide on the final name but am favouring Duck Tour and the Mudlarks. There can be no ambiguity here, for while “Duck Tour” implies some kind of wetland nwild fowl safari no such thing as a “Duck Tour” actually exists, therefore there can be no inclusivity with any other words, let alone Mudlark! Thereby, all confusion will be removed whilst still creating a thematic link, in as much as both are related to water, which I personally find not at all displeasing..

My other option is Obviously “Doctor and the Flowering Plants'', commonly known as Medick or Burclover. It's wordy but safe from confusion and also pleasantly informative! Either way this abhorrent boil on the face of British Popular culture will be lanced once and for all.

I can only thank you for showing me the error of my ways and I hope that one day I can atone in full for my sins in full.

Love and Peace

Duck Tour

 

 

 

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