Dear Julee Cruise

''I'm Crazy'' probably Ms. Cruise and ''I'm Wishing'' I had not, but by way of trying to economise yesterday, and as we were running out of toiletries before our weekly shop, I had a shave with a rusty disposable and some cheap handwash


Then I saw my face, Ms. Cruise, but then I did not see my smile but instead a left cheek and under chin area covered in claret (English slang for 'blood') and yet more of it ''Floating'' in the wash basin.

Eager not to re-experience both this visual and stinging unpleasantry, Ms. Cruise, I rushed out and bought a Panasonic ES-LV65 Arc5 Wet & Dry 5-Blade for no less than 120 English pounds.


Sadly, upon commencing a somewhat smug stubble pruning this morning, our tortoisehell, Gladys, rushed into the bathroom and into my ankles, causing me to drop it onto my big toe, causing considerable pain


Unfortunately, Ms. Cruise, although I did try not to get myself hurt this time, I neglected to remember that life always gets in the way


I look forward to your response but must inform you that it will not be restricted to ''Only Us'' and that we may not as a result be ''Friends For Life''





Derek Philpott

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