Dear Kenny Thomas,

With respect to a matter which I also need to bring up with Mr. Gruel from The Food Fighters, I have to inform you that I have never recorded, if you will pardon the pun, a ‘single’ successful hit pop song, let alone a sufficient number to justify a greatest hits compilation. I must therefore regretfully disappoint you on this occasion and state that although I am very flattered, Mr. Thomas, that you feel that you gotta, gotta get the ‘Best of Me’ now, your multi-repeated resolve is at the time of writing sadly futile.

Furthermore, ''When I Think Of You'', Mr. Thomas, it is merely with fondness for your artistic output and 'smooth delivery', hence one of 'The Things You Should Know'' is that your perception of my appreciation may, I fear, be skewed, in that any ruminations upon my infatuation, or, to put it in your own words, ''Thinking About Your Love'' are somewhat over-exaggerated.

Whilst on the subject of this particularly catchy ’white soul staple’, Sir, and ironically in direct contrast to the subjects of said documentary, Jean and I were at a loose end last week and watched an ''Outstanding'' repeat on Demand 5 all about Siamese twins, one set of which confusingly had nothing to do with Thailand at all but were from Cleethorpes. Now that ''The Show Is Over" we cannot help but wonder if you had also seen it and, perhaps not ''On The Outside'' but subliminally drawn upon it for inspiration.

Please allow me to ''Drive Ahead'' and present my reasoning ''Piece By Piece'':-

1) After one of them stubbed their toe on a Rangemaster whilst washing up the other one did look like they were wincing a bit, hence it is logical to conclude that if one is hurt the other is hurting too

2) Their indisputable conjointness referenced within your first person narrative whereby one sibling observes to the second that they are part of them now


3) In connection with point 2 above, the perpetuality of said bond tonight, today and always

Admittedly my case is quite weak and ''It Ain't Perfect'', especially as you go on to state that their working lives are keeping them apart (which is untenable unless of course they are engaged in alternate day and night shifts at the same location) and, given that such a consolidated kin folk reunion launch procedure is not necessary, they are counting the days until they are together again

Nevertheless, Jean and I feel ''It’s Better'', ''If You Believe'' there is ''Something Special'' to say in your defence as a ''Get Out'' pertaining to our evaluation, to give it to us gladly and not let us down so badly.

Yours sincerely


Derek Philpott

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