Dear Level 42

Re: Lessons In Love

My neighbour Wilf Turnbull and I heard your tuneful jingle on Bournemouth's Wave FM yesterday and felt compelled to congratulate you on the novel medium, that of the pop charts, through which you have chosen to promote your new enterprise. If we have one criticism, Level 42, it is that we feel that your advertising slogan, ''Could Be Better, Should Be Better'', highlighting as it does the shortfalls of The Academy, is perhaps not such a good idea.


Would this be an accredited course, endorsed by "City and Guilds"? We, together with our wives Jean and Olive are intrigued and imagine that, if your dexterity on your musical instruments is anything to go by, one would have to be extremely proficient to attain a "Level 42" qualification! We equally feel that the syllabus could be beneficially reciprocal given that in another of your ''jazz funk classics'', "The Chinese Way'' you are interested in determining who knows what they know. A simple 'General Knowledge Test' aimed specifically at any students of this particular diaspora and perhaps adjudicated through an interpretor should, if marked indiscriminately, reveal the answer as your own good selves.

Jean and Olive are keen for us to scrutinise any supporting literature that you may have, with a view to Wilf and myself considering possible enrolment when the course has been improved, if we feel the tutelage fees and related costs to be reasonable. Please be advised that we must politely decline any 'freshening up' facilities that may be available 'on campus', as it appears that you may have a malfunctioning thermostat. Until such time as this may be repaired, for baths or showers that may be running for the family, and to avoid sons and daughters in hot water in future, may I recommend the 'elbow test', which both children and adults say ensures that water temperature is optimum and avoids juvenile or infant scalding.


Derek Philpott


(with help from neighbour)

Wilf Turnbull


Reply from the Gentlemen Mark King, received 13/12/2013


Hello Derek and Wilf,

In reply to your insightful letter to us, I have to hold my hands up and say you are quite right. The Academy is rubbish, sorry.
If we could do better we undoubtedly would, but there it is…..!

Re ‘The Chinese Way’


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