Dear Mr. Wilder

Re: Break My Stride

We find it a little perturbing that, even in a surreal dream state, your partner appears to think so little of you that, upon your arrival at their East Asian whereabouts from yours in Manhattan by means of but a little row boat, they are more concerned with getting their washing done and boasting of walking about briskly without being forcefully decelerated, wrestled to the ground and/or pinned down, than even giving you a little hug for your efforts.

Frankly, Sir, if I had sailed 10,962 nautical miles (assuming a speed of approximately 2 nautical mph) over 225 days in a flimsy water vessel via the Panama Canal only to be greeted by a supposed loved one telling me they had to get their laundry done and ‘’didn’t want no-one to hold them’’, before boasting of unimpeded rapid striding, I myself would be more than slightly miffed.

It ought be added that if it acknowledged the People’s Republic’s new immigration laws, which impose fines of between 5,000-20,000 yen (equivalent to 738-2953 USD) for those entering without a visa, your hallucinatory junket could be construed as costly as well as humiliating

If you will forgive me, Mr. Wilder, we think that you can do better than courting one whom by your own admission is ‘’feeling cocky'' and not deserving of your impressive nocturnally conjured exploits.

Yours

Derek (and Son)

 

 

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