Dear Men Without Hats

Re: The Safety Dance

 

I quote:

 

”We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine”


I have a friend named Reg Young, who has been like an absolute rock to Olive and I for over 35 years. Unfortunately, he sustained a pelvic injury in March, and as such is unable to move freely, or indeed, dance. I am therefore unwilling to accept your offer of friendship, as you clearly exclude Reg and his ilk from your affections.


In addition, it strikes me that the routine that you are asking us to emulate is not “safe” at all; there is no evidence that it has been thoroughly risk assessed by both yourselves and the Health and Safety Executive (HSE), and that suitable control measures have been put in place to minimise the likelihood of a risk being realised. On the contrary, the activity appears rather perilous, for the following reasons:


1) You state that by indulging in the event, “Everybody's takin' the cha-a-a-ance”, implying risk, which is hardly a happy bedfellow of security.


2) You assert that “everything is out of control” and are of a steely resolve to “act real rude...like an imbecile”; once again, hardly the preconditions of precaution.


3) If everybody looks at their hands, as you instruct, severe restriction of our field of vision will result. Contact and collision, and consequent injury, is surely imminent, especially when travelling at speed.


Finally, despite the name of your band, I spotted no less than three of you sporting various items of headwear in your accompanying “video” and even in the lyrics you suggest that “we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet”.

  

Therefore, it is with regret that I inform you of my disappointment with this pop record, and hope that such inconsistencies are absent from future works.

 

Yours

Wilf Turnbull

Reply from Men Without Hats (received 18/9/2013)

Dear Sirs

What do you expect from someone who says you can dance if you want to and then won't be friends if you don't?

Yours Truly

Men Without Hats

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