Dear Mental As Anything

Re: Live It Up

I thank you for concern, Mental As Anything, but can assure you, my all-encompassing unsoundness or cerebrality homaging friends, that you have mistaken my expressionless semi-concentration usually adopted whilst watching Top of the Pops 2 for ''the sad face''.

Whilst writing, I must express some concern pertaining to the isolated adolescent to whom you allude in your Scottish amphibious animal film-featured 'feel good classic'. It would seem that said ''lonely girl'' is capable of wreaking havoc upon structural matter ranging from a room barrier to an entire municipality, simply through the magnitude of her displayed contentment. Personally speaking, if such a forsaken female were to come up to my place, I would be intent on not allowing her to ''live it up'' but instead instilling within her, perhaps via the recital of ''Sad Poetry'', as melancholic a disposition as possible. I fear that unrepressed joviality on the part of the companionless juvenile could prove potentially disastrous. if, as you state, she smiled the walls would fall down, to say nothing of her levelling the town if she laughed, and I do not wish to be held accountable to either the whole Borough, or, more dauntingly my wife Jean, especially as we have not long decorated.

There may, however, exist an opportunity for the solitary young lady’s expressed conviviality destruction to be employed within the commercial arena, thus mixing ''Business And Pleasure'' and confirming your assertion that she is ''worth her weight in gold''. The placement of the unchaperoned youth, perhaps deployed with a portable computer showing her various ''Epic Fail Compilations'' on the youtube channel, within an area intended for redevelopment, would likely be a far more economical alternative to the costly explosives, wrecking balls, JCBs, heavy plant machinery and what have you of most demolition companies and, if he was still alive, Fred Dibnah.

As an aside, if indeed you do have the capacity to inspire gaiety in the maudlin. you may wish to get in touch with a Mr. Harley, whom I understand to be in need of cheering up at the moment.  

I sincerely hope, my wacky as whatever correspondees, that you will ''Come Around'' to the sensibilities contained in this missive in the near future and not cause me to remind you "Too Many Times" for a response.

Yours Rationally,

Derek Philpott


P.S. I could not agree more that I am ’beside the dance floor’; our sofa adjoins the unfettered part of our parquet flooring that Jean often utilises in an impromptu waltz whenever 'Home and Away' comes on.


Dear Derek


When you started putting the sensible blowtorch on Live It Up I should've realized that large holes would start to appear in the inner logic of our song.


I didn't take your parquetry floor or the delicious Jean into my considerations writing this dance number. I'm sure that you writing this critique in the style of a neighbour's particularly strident objection to a routine owner builder development application before the local council has put me off writing pop tunes with any self revelatory content in future.


I was referring to



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