Dear Mr. Steve Ellis who used to be the singer from Love Affair,


Re: Everlasting Love

 

Good gracious, I have just had the same issue with Talk Talk (the pop group as to opposed the easily hackable telecoms operator) who claim that ''it's their life, it never ends''.


Granted, the general public have been subjected to your ''number one smash'' for nigh on fifty years and there seems no end in sight to the affectionate perpetuity, in which many radio stations are clearly complicit.

 

Given, however, that the average life expectancy of an adult human male in the UK is 81.5 years, and assuming that you have no plans be cloned liked Dolly The Sheep in the interim, one hopes that you do not object to being asked how said eternal ardour is expected to continue way past, in your particular case based upon a date of birth of 7 April 1950, October 2030.

 

One hopes that you will not be ''filled with regret'' upon responding to this missive

 

Yours

Derek Philpott

 

 

Dear Mr. Philpott

May I, first of all, express my dismay at your apparent unwillingness to grasp the meaning of the word everlasting. I feel sure that you would have consulted a dictionary, in order to ascertain the definition of the word, but, if not, then let me just state, for the sake of clarity, that the word everlasting, means, eternal, never ending, perpetual, undying, immortal, deathless, indestructable, enduring, infinite, timeless and so on. You will note, that, amongst these definitions, there are the words, immortal, deathless and indestructable. These are words that can also be applied to myself, for I am, in fact, an android and was the subject of the very first attempt, by a record company, to manufacture a band. Sadly, my bandmates malfunctioned at an early stage and I was forced to continue with mere mortals, but, as I was to be the lead singer, the plan was deemed a success, because it meant that, not only would this most excellent of songs, be played on radio stations eternally, thereby generating massive amounts of money for the record company, forever, but it would also mean that I will be standing on stage, singing my signature tune, way past your time on this planet. So, I'm afraid, Derek, that the rest of your life is probably not going to be as pleasant as you may have hoped it might be.

Yours

Steve.

 

 

 

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