Dear Bald Blackbird Naked Raven

Re: Wrong Girl


I was ''Drawn To You'', unclad corvus, just prior to ''Closing Down'' my computer ''Some Day'' last week, after helping a young relative with his homework ''At Night'' at an ''Innocent Hour''.

Young Thomas’ assignment was focused on the history of The Tower of London, hence it was only logical that its avian mainstays, which unlike you, if I understand you correctly, are not ‘in the buff’ but fully plumaged, should feature. At the termination of our tutorial, I unwittingly stumbled upon and was intrigued by your au naturel passerine ‘discography’, which I investigated further, thus discovering your song concerning an incorrect young female.

As much as my wife Jean and myself enjoyed your ‘haunting cryptic ballad’, we could not help but be distracted, and have to ask you outright if your monicker refers to an unclothed or a plucked crow. If the latter, we agree that a defeathered fowl could arguably be interpreted as bare. If the former, however, given that ravens are not generally known for wearing clothes, we feel the employment of the word ‘naked’ to be superfluous.

With regards to the composition itself, however, I am afraid that I have ''Three Remaining Questions''.

1) You refer to a third party being stuck in traffic driving in silence with their foot down in a car full of furniture and the windows are down. Was it not considered, what with so much opportunity for armchairs, lamp shades, bookcases etcetera to be thrown out of the speeding vehicle, that the upper door sections should be tightly rolled up? Assuming that the air conditioning in hot weather is working, one cannot foresee too much of a hardship to such a securing, and indeed if  ''Waiting Out The Storm'', a watertight fastening, in order that the occupants do not get drenched and their property accessories soggy, would surely be a bonus. If however there is no cooling system in the car or the manual winders are broken or automatic electrical system faulty*, I must say that I am quite alarmed that the journey is being undertaken in a state of muteness; it ought be patently obvious that, in order that ''Blame'' cannot be attributed for not keeping people out of ''Harm’s Way'', all occupants are best advised to be yelling at the tops of their voices, warning people to stay away for fear of absorbing the impact of catapulted bed frames, and any other home comforts, that may ''Spill'' out of the hurtling potential death-trap, rather than stay 'schtum'.

* Under no circumstances should the vehicle be left unattended if such a state of disrepair applies, especially if laden down with such a house fitment chattel cargo in a disreputable district, thus virtually guaranteeing that it will not be ''The Way You Found It'' before commencement of the property paraphernalia burdened jaunt.

2) If so restricted by congestion, how exactly was the vehicle able to travel ungridlocked at such a velocity on unimpeded roads?

3) By way of testing the plausibility of your audible telephone / mouth interface I pressed my upper chin into the bottom half of my Samsung Galaxy YS5360 just after breakfast for a good two minutes, so as to could give you the benefit of the doubt, but can confide that the solitary noise forthcoming in our lounge as  generated by my act was that of my wife Jean asking what the ruddy hell I was doing when I should be out bringing the washing in before it lashes down. Could you therefore provide evidence to back up your contentious claim to have heard your lips (as opposed to a beak, which ironically could emit a slight click upon contact) pressed against the receiver?*

* Should by ‘receiver’ you be referring to a custodial appointee managing the affairs of a bankrupt business or person, it is to be conceded that, although ‘puckering up’ could well be perceptible to the ear, said drastic gesture is unlikely to reverse the insolvency process.

On an unrelated matter, I know that lots of people are keen doodlers but was still astonished at the fact that we should share ''Common Ground'' via such a quirky past time. I too often draw stars to fill the space between words, but being married can barely get past the first left to right diagonal line before Jean starts talking again; the last one was only a few inches square but took two weeks.

I would be most grateful, stripped near rook, if you could provide your response by way of an email or papers and letters that are not rotting in order that my hallway does not resemble ‘’Wasteland‘’ when the postman turns up.



Derek Philpott


Source Material - Naked Raven ''Wrong Girl''


I did it once
Everybody does
Step inside
Take a good look around
I believed
I suppose that you meant it

You've got it wrong
You've got the wrong girl

Stuck in traffic
In a car full of furniture
Papers and letters are rotting
And the windows are down
We drive in silence
And your foot is down

But You
You've got 
Oh don't you look now
But you've got the wrong girl

Ive heard my lips pressed
Against the receiver
Drawing stars
To fill the space between your words
Did you say something about
Another chance

You've got a wrong girl
And you 
God don't you look now
And you
You've got the wrong girl

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