Dear Public Image Limited

Re: This Is Not A Love Song

Although I have never run my own business working all the hours that God sends, Public Image Limited, I have over the years encountered many ceaselessly toiling company directors that have; normally in pubs in the early afternoon leading continuously into the late evening. The most prosperous of these 'self made men' has undoubtedly been Gerald Beasley from The Bakers Arms in Lychett Minster, who back in 1983 struck upon the novel idea of supplying high quality secondhand yachts, luxury cars and helicopters to the more affluent residents of Sandbanks and the surrounding areas.

Following a visit to the florists earlier this week for our wedding anniversary, I decided, upon the consideration that Jean might have wanted chocolates instead, to assuage myself with a half a Tetleys. It was during this consolotary libation that I played said impressario your 'post-punk smash' on the jukebox, 'Pil', whilst joking that together with Placebo you would be more grammatically suited to be played on a 'tablet'.

I hope that you will not mind my relating that after the 'fade out' was replaced by ''Save All Your Kisses For Me'' my co-listener merely frowned and stated that were 'Floaters Rotors & Motors' to adopt a similar campaign, its success in the commercial zone would likely be severely compromised on the basis that negatory detraction in big business is very unwise. I must admit that his illustratory example of a used E65 7 Series BMW being ambiguously marketed as ''This Is Not A Mercedes-Benz CLK-class Cabriolet'', thus potentially aggravating the prospective purchaser whilst neglecting to advertise any Unique Selling Points of the vehicle, was most compelling, as was his utter exasperation at the failure of a trader whose brand name literally reflected its recognition of a strong civil profile to be conscious of said faux pas.

Furthermore, the concept of ''television behind the curtain'' in any feasibility whatsoever was anathema to him; he added. It is crucial for all wares featured on the screen of a plastic and/or ''metal box'' to be unobscured by shrouding drapery in order that the ''Album'' of products available may be clearly visible. He is also at a loss as to why one may be asked if one is ''ready to grab the candle, not television''. Not only is potential wick grippage probably hazardous; to the best of our knowledge there is no facility to display photographs via the medium of an illuminatory wax block.


Please ''Don't Ask Me'' to desist from availing you of the above observations, or be "Disappointed" by Gerald's appraisal, Public Image Limited. Sadly ''This Is What You Get'' when scrutinsed by your enterprising peers. He could be wrong, he could be right. I am sure that you will ''Rise'' above it and refocus your corporation to a more and non-filthy lucrative income stream in the near future, near future, near future for you.


Derek Philpot



Reply from Pete Jones received 5/1/15


Dear Mr Philpott,

Many thanks for your recent communiqué addressed to Public Image Limited regarding their (only) chart topping smash hit “This Is Not A Love Song”. On behalf of all employees of the corporation, past and present, may I declare the greatest appreciation for your time and utmost dedication in giving the


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