Dear Republica

Re: Ready To Go

 

As you may be aware, the house opposite have just had a loft conversion done, which was sadly undertaken by a disreputable contractor, resulting in a profoundly fissured chimney breast, haphazard joists and a shoddily grouted dormer susceptible to complete de-glazing in the face of nothing more potent than an errant shuttlecock.


Once alerted, Bournemouth Borough Council inspectors conducted a thorough inspection of the discreditable garret and, horrified by their findings, insisted upon the ignominious sky parlor being fully ameliorated prior to building approval being granted. Unfortunately, rather than addressing the defects properly, the owners opted for a much more economical 'botch-job', which incorporated half a tub of Polyfilla and an unmatching Dulux Tester Pot in an attempted concealment of the afore-mentioned flue crevice.


It was with some dismay, but no little surprise therefore, that my wife Jean and I were awakened this morning by both her PC tablet alarm clock (tuned, obviously, to Bournemouth's peerless Wave 105.2 FM) and an almighty ruckus coming from across the road. Further investigation from a discreet gap in the curtains revealed that the officials had returned to the slapdash attic, and, thoroughly unimpressed by the frugal and deceptive improvements undertaken, were now teetering precariously astride the tiles and pointing at the stack, angrily and loudly protesting at its deceptive restoration.


It was at this very juncture in the confrontational governing body/extra storey owner proceedings that your "technopop punk classic'' came on just after the travel, ''it's a crack, I'm back yeah standing on the rooftops shouting out'' uncannily acting as an eerie narrative to the scene that we were witnessing at that very instant. There, however, any similarity ended; far from being ''ready to go'', the furious officials seemed intent on maintaining their 'lofty' position until the matter could be resolved.


Notwithstanding this last incongruity, Jean and I remain extremely impressed by your local authority versus resident soundscaping abilities, although must take issue with your assertion that one week is another world; it is, inactuality not a different planet but a seven day unit ot time.


Finally, Jean has just suggested from the kitchen, where she is toasting a muffin, that in the current climate of so many establishments closing, you may be well advised to consider renaming your indie combo 'ReWineBarLica' or 'ReBeersAtHomeLica', in order to reflect current trends.


Yours

 

 

Derek Philpott

 

 

Reply from Saffron Sprackling received 17/9/2014

 

 

Dear Derek,

 

I'm very sorry to hear that you and Jean have had to go through this harrowing situation which sounds at the very least drop dead dangerous! I know what it is like to have noisy neighbours as I am currently being woken up every morning by

 

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