Dear Fruity Flick Knife Strawberry Switchblade.

There is, I hear, a saying which advises that if a cup isn't topped up to the brim at least there is still some water in it, or something like that.

With that in mind, as you sit there alone with your partner, looking for a reason to go on, it is actually so clear that ''all'' you have now are not just thoughts of yesterday, but also each other, the remainder of the day in question, and a possible future together!

Also, that a part of him or her has gone when it’s all over need not be a particular cause for concern if the missing bits are toenail clippings or if they have had a bit of a trim, perhaps administered by a Swiss Army tool in deference to your psychedelic moniker.

Finally, one finds it perplexing that you hate trees and you hate the flowers, although admittedly Mr. Otway also harbours similar horticultural paranoia, warning me to beware of the latter ‘cause he’s sure they're gonna get me. Yeah.

Yours Bluntly



Derek Philpott




Dear Derek,

Thank you for that sweet reminder of the pessimism and negativity of my youth.


You will be pleased to hear that the invention of SSRI anti depressant medication has done much to improve my mood.


No longer is vegetation such a vexation to me; in fact these days I can even be found hugging the odd weeping willow urging it it to "cheer up".


Age has also rendered many of your questions moot as I can no longer remember what I've been doing Since Yesterday.

Yours happily,

Jill Bryson.

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