Dear The Communards
Re: Never Can Say Goodbye
You have my heartfelt condolences, The Communards. I learnt of your leave-taking disorder on Radio Two this morning and was both discombobulated and dismayed to hear that you never can say goodbye, especially as prior to the Ken Bruce induced divulgation I was incognisant of such an unfortunate farewell articulation-based allergic malady.
Being by no means an expert on such afflictions, I can thus only imagine the umpteen hardships affiliated to an adieu bidding repellency and must only hope that you have formulated a universally recognised etymological alternative to précising interminable meandering conversations at social functions and business meetings, and selected a premium mobile handset tariff that comes with an abundance of free minutes. Sadly however, your disclosure that you suffer "that same old dizzy hang up'' suggests an inveterate disequilibrium symptomatic of finally concluding a phone call devoid of a truncating valediction, resulting in recurrent giddiness.
It is therefore completely understandable that, as confessed in another of your '80's hits' you have no desire to be left this way.
I am nonetheless perplexed, The Communards, that you claim a perpetual inability to say goodbye and yet have somehow managed to achieve said 'impossible' feat no fewer than twenty one times (excluding the splendid female 'backing vocals') over the course of less than five minutes, within your pop song. Said successfully repeated parting enunciations clearly indicate one of two possible scenarios, either of which will result in the need for re-recording, I am afraid, in order to establish transparency and accuracy.
I therefore look forward to hearing the corrected adjustment, be it "I Am Unable To Say Goodbye In Certain Situations" or ''I Never Can Actually Say Goodbye But I Can Sing It” on my Honda's wireless in the near future.
Reply from The Rev. Richard Coles, received 31/12/2013
Dear Mr Philpott,
Thank you for your kind letter and may I take this opportunity of wishing you, on behalf of the Communards, a very happy new year?
As to your question, like