Dear The Darkness

I recently went on an AA DriveTech Speed Awareness Course at a Holiday Inn rather than incur 3 points after being caught by a camera doing 38 in a 30 whilst getting carried away when listening to, if I heard Simon Mayo correctly, the Heavy Metal band Jettison Starfish on Radio 2s early evening slot

As part of the 4 hours that I ''will never get back'' we were lectured upon the dangers of embarking upon a journey when poorly. Therefore, whilst your failure to articulate all the feelings that an unnamed paramour is making you feel is no doubt frustrating, your reluctance to command a motor vehicle owing to excessive cardio-exertion is commendable; were your heart to be in overdrive while you were behind the steering wheel, this reckless behaviour could well be the worst rock star car interface since the three irresponsible ''boogie merchants'' from Houston who in 1976 boasted of an arrest for driving while blind

One is however perplexed as to precisely how one's unshakeale faith in strong emotions of affection towards another person can be verified by aurally heeding primary muscular organ tempos, and would be grateful if you could ''shed some light'' on this at your earliest convenience.





Derek Philpott


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