Dear The Ruts,

 

I must heartily recommend that you desist forthwith, The Ruts. Whilst on the top deck of the 114 earlier this afternoon I was mortified to witness a group of devil-may-care youths extracting great delight from 'mooning' at myself and other passengers whilst sniggering heartily at their peurile antics between themselves. It was plainly apparent that the more the vulgar cleft-shenanigans were gawped at, the more they were encouraged in their sordid endeavours. Staring at the rude boys must therefore be summised to be the least savoury course of action as it only serves to encourage them. I also fear that laughing at the rude boys could be wrongly construed as laughing with the brash bucks, with similar, misconstrued, goading results.

I look forward to your observations unless of course ''something that I said'' has caused offence.

Yours sincerely,


D. Philpott

 

Dear Mr. Philpott

 

I hope you are well.

 

Many thanks for getting in touch and for telling your torrid tale of top deck trauma. It is indeed a sad state of affairs when one cannot enjoy the simple pleasure of a bus ride across town without a gang of eejits dropping their kecks and pointing their posteriors in your general direction.

 

I am bound to say that I agree with your analysis regarding your choosing to closely observe the young men in question - I suspect that this did indeed give them the ocular equivalent of 'the oxygen of publicity'. However whilst I am rarely if ever one to offer advice in life I cannot agree that 'laughing at the rude boys' was a reasonable course of action. I realise that being unexpectedly confronted by a brace of boy's bottoms may have somewhat clouded your judgment, but I personally think that dancing with the rude boys may well have been a better option. At the very least it would have been lyrically correct....

 

May I finish by saying how very sorry I am to have heard of your public transport palaver and the upset that it has clearly caused. I would also like to point out that I wasn't actually in the band when they wrote and recorded the punk rock classic that we have both been alluding to throughout our correspondence, and therefore my thoughts and opinions on the entire affair are all but irrelevant.

 

Yours with the greatest of respect

 

 

Leigh Heggarty

Guitarist

Ruts DC

(with Thanks to Ruffy)

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