Dear The Ruts,


I must heartily recommend that you desist forthwith, The Ruts. Whilst on the top deck of the 114 earlier this afternoon I was mortified to witness a group of devil-may-care youths extracting great delight from 'mooning' at myself and other passengers whilst sniggering heartily at their peurile antics between themselves. It was plainly apparent that the more the vulgar cleft-shenanigans were gawped at, the more they were encouraged in their sordid endeavours. Staring at the rude boys must therefore be summised to be the least savoury course of action as it only serves to encourage them. I also fear that laughing at the rude boys could be wrongly construed as laughing with the brash bucks, with similar, misconstrued, goading results.

I look forward to your observations unless of course ''something that I said'' has caused offence.

Yours sincerely,

D. Philpott


Dear Mr. Philpott


I hope you are well.


Many thanks for getting in touch and for telling your torrid tale of top deck trauma. It is indeed a sad state of affairs when one cannot enjoy the simple pleasure of a bus ride across town without a gang of eejits dropping their kecks and pointing their posteriors in your general direction.


I am bound to say that I agree with your analysis regarding your choosing to closely observe the young men in question - I suspect that this did indeed give them the ocular equivalent of 'the oxygen of publicity'. However whilst I am rarely if ever one to offer advice in life I



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