Dear Mr. Jobson from The Skids

We are putting together the kiddies' entertainment for the local carnival in September and were just about engage an alternative contractor when we heard your catchy jingle ''Come and Play Circus Games, Come and Play at Circus Games'' on 'Top of The Pops 2'.

Your rival competitor offers 'Balloon Shoot' (Grab those darts and see who can pop the most!), 'Duck Pond Dangler' (catch a quacker with a pole and find a hidden number on the bottom and win a prize!), the self explanatory 'Guess the Jelly Beans' and 'Tin Can Knock Down', and 'Ping Pong Toss', which my son confesses he thought until this time to be a song by The Fall.

We were wondering if you could give us more information about 'Mission Is A Gambler' (presumably some kind of one-armed bandit), ''The Wager, the One Card to Play'' (perhaps Pontoon with a low stake) and ''Mother Is A Gambler'', which we assume from its role reversal reference to ''The House of The Rising Sun'' to be a pop song lyrics conundrum affair

We sincerely hope that if successful in securing our business you would be willing on this occasion to waive your ''no children today'' rule, and look forward to hearing from you in the near future.


Derek Philpott (and Son)

Dear Derek and Son,

Many thanks for getting in touch with your unusual request. My immediate response is that the alternative sounds like much more fun than blasting kids with my deeply meaningful yet deeply pretentious lyrics. I also thought that ‘Ping Pong Toss’ came from the pen of the mighty Mark Smith and have been happily singing along to it in the shower for many years. This will stop immediately. In the meantime,......



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