Dear The Stranglers

In your harpsichord-tinged hit ‘Duchess’ you state that a television has broken down, on the basis that it's picture is standing still. In our experience a faulty 'box' either displays no image at all, or, at best, one which is very fuzzy, scrolls vertically, or is all the wrong colours (normally the sympton of a burnt tube). Even then, said faulty depiction is always animated and never redolent of a an incandescent canvas.

It is highly likely therefore that 'Duchess' has simply pressed 'pause' on her 'VCR' and forgotten about it and that her 'set' is not in need of a 'call out' at all. One may argue that your employment of Rennaissance instrumentation in misleading the unnamed noblewoman, implies that you are not au faut with post-Tudor industrial advances, and also cannot capably operate machinery. Said theorum is only reinforced by the fact that in your later release 'Always The Sun' you ask who gets the job of pushing the knob, apparently oblivious to the fact that said rounded handles are, unlike buttons, ineffective unless pulled or twisted.

We therefore recommend that you all stay popstars and avoid all technical job offers for the foreseeable future

Yours sincerely

Derek Philpott and Wilf Turnbull

Reply from Jet Black received 21/10/2013

"We are very pleased to accept your recommendation."



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