Dear The Supernaturals
It is relevant to point out that your yelled command, ''You’d Better Smile'', implying, as it does seventeen times per chorus, non-specific reprisals should a horizontal lip stretch not be immediately forthcoming, is somewhat counter-productive, given that fear of said retribution is unlikely to elicit a joyous expression.
I do fully sympathise with another of your grievances, though. Thinking that she had secured a bargain, my wife Jean recently bought a job lot of 6 for a pound chess board tea towels from a car boot sale near Ringwood, and was dismayed to find after the first cotton hot wash that everything's gone grey but used to be so black and white. Contrary to another of your assertions however, namely that every piece of good fortune must be paid for by the pound, she did not consider this investment to be serendipitous in any way whatsoever.
Finally, my paranormal pals, on a recent beach stroll, I could not fail to notice a pedalo venturing perilously astray from the shore after having been cast thereon by a freak wave, before correcting itself via frenzied cycling motions courtesy of its frantic customers. One doubts that at any point during said potential Hampshire coast marooning the hapless makeshift sailors considered their private affairs to be in any state of disarray, Your claim therefore, and one must take exception to your disclaimer that ''It Doesn't Matter Anymore'', that your life's a mess, you've been cut adrift is unfounded .
I look forward to your response, preferably typed or handwritten as opposed to via ouija board, an old lady with a deep voice shaking her head from side to side, or morse code being knocked out on our new IKEA dining table, as matter of urgency
Thanks for your letter. I have to say that no one has ever misinterpreted our lyrics quite as spectacularly as you. This song, "Smile" took at least 3 minutes to write and after putting so much hard work into our art we feel insulted that you have written such a wrong headed letter to us.
It's interesting that you mention pedalos. These boats sum up what's bad about life. You pedal furiously for days on end and find yourself back where you started. You think the ride on one will be fantastic when it is actually the most mundane seaborne experience you could ever have. Finally you get into a sweat over the fact that you'll have to pay the attendant an extra 50p for having overrun your short ride.In fact when I think about it your letter feels like a ride on a pedalo.
It's also curious that you mention we repeat "Smile" 17 times in the chorus of that song. Our music was never complicated enough to have a prime number lurking in there somewhere, although where I'm not sure. The band member who could officially count, our drummer Alan, told us it was actually 24 times and we took his word for it at the time. Interestingly enough our producer emphasised that we had to drill the word relentlessly into the public consciousness and that "even a pensioner with their hearing aid turned off" should be able to understand it.
I'm glad you mentioned that Car Boot Sale in Ringwood. We sold all our knackered old equipment there 15 years ago to a Christian Rock band with a very attractive female singer. Was that your daughter?
Anyway, please dont write to us again as we're busy.