Dear Chip from The Whammy Bars Tremeloes

My son has twice complained of people’s mobile phones going off at public concerts recently, although admittedly the most recent was at a Pink Floyd tribute band’s full performance of The Dark Side of the Moon, and it may have been part of the show.

No matter. ''I’m with you all the way'', The Tremolos in valuing the asset of keeping schtum, especially in libraries, next to me on the bus, and when watching many of today’s so called ''stand-up comedians'' on Live At The Apollo.

I must take issue however with your assertion that the absence of any noise is ''Golden''. For example, to the best of one’s knowledge, being very quiet indeed is not to be found smelted into very large bricks under armed guard at Fort Knox, nor is there a Federal Reserve of hush. One is also yet to see a tranquillity engagement ring tray in the windows of H. Samuel, or bulky lull jewellery adorning the necks and fingers of the many gangster rappers popular with schoolchildren and people in traffic jams.

Although my son informs me that you are not responsible for scribing this calm/flaxen conundrum, I have argued that, much like your lad’s claim to be the one and only (when in fact there are more of him on facebook) being penned by our mutual friend Mr. Kershaw, you are sadly an accessory after the fact.


Derek Philpott


Dear The Philpotts

One advantage of us communicating through 'tinternet (no you cannot have our mobile numbers) is we get to read your absurd ramblings rather than listen to them. In that sense alone, silence, although admittedly not a precious metal, is still very precious indeed

The answer to your self-baffling enquiry is actually in your letter itself, for in old fashioned libraries in the 60s, as well as posh members' clubs where gents would relax with a copy of the paper and a large Scotch, the words 'Silence' or 'Quiet Please' were often etched onto a gold-plated or brass (as in golden coloured) plaque which was often displayed on a prominent wall

Naturally it was there for all eyes to still see...
In conclusion
Chip and Ches 1 (and only)
Philpotts Nil

PS It sounds better than the alternative title of 'Silence is Egg-shaped' which is how we often refer to the song on setlists etc...




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