Dear The Undertones

I have many contacts stored on my Nokia and generally if I wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna have someone to talk to I tend to prefer immediate family or friends, only deferring to tradesmen or contractors if for example I have a problem with the boiler or need a gardener to come round do some weeding on Wednesday week. This is on the basis that to ring a Corgi-approved engineer or 'external maintenance engineer' to ask if he was watching the head to head on Pointless or complain about when the summer is coming after all this abysmal whether could be construed as both a waste of their time and repellently overfamiliar.

It is for this reason, The Undertones, that unless I wanted to get back quickly from the shops but preferred not to wait for the bus and I required your services - presumably, going by your slogan, boasting that you'll pick me up in your car and take me home, it's not far - a taxi firm -I would leave you in peace.

That said, unless I pressed delete or have mislaid your business card, and despite your assertion, I do NOT have your number, which is why I don't use it, and also the reason why I am unable to ''ring your number now''.

In conclusion, The Undertones, I DO know your name and will not abuse it via a negative review (it's gonna happen) on Trip Adviser unless you are unable to furnish me with it and/or keep me waiting for more that 15 minutes when I am next at the pick-up up point at Waitrose and finally arrive in a smelly Honda Accord sporting an unkempt bumper held on by mouldy gaffa tape.

I look forward to hearing from you before my next excursion, when Saturday comes





Derek Philpott





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