Dear UB40


Re: Rat in the kitchen

As an avid viewer of Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares I’ve always felt that it would make a very apt subject for a light-hearted song and so after hearing it on Absolute was glad to see that you’ve come round to ''my way of thinking''.

You are absolutely correct in stating that when the tousle-haired restauranteur, (who often rates the dishes served as ''one in ten''), opens his mouth, he ''don’t talk, he shouts'', that he ''gives everybody the blame'', ''invades their space'', ''makes them feel disgrace'', and once, upon discovering rancid chicken sat in the walk-in that was three months past its use by date ''made everyone scream''.

There are a couple of details however that I feel you have let ‘pass you by’. Upon finding rodent droppings under the freezer in the basement of a curry house in New York, the outraged celebrity chef did not seem to have any desire to ''fix that rat'' (implying the administration of medical assistance), but on the contrary insisted on calling in an exterminator. Also it is a probably a tad unfair to say that ''he’s so unjust'' and ''someone they cannot trust'' in announcing that a rancid bistro ought to be shut down due to the numerous obvious breaches of food safety regulations, as the empirical evidence bears out.

I sincerely hope that ''I'm not fooled'' in my interpretation of your excellent tribute and ''food for thought'' , Sirs, with regard to much needed hygiene ''Watchdogs'', but if I am, would appreciate your correcting me answering ''Where did I go wrong''.

As for any more episodes like the one with the mouse in the deep fat fryer which I viewed on the portable whilst I was eating ‘breakfast in bed’, if it happens again I'm heaving.


Derek Philpott (IB79)


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