Dear Pink

Re: Get the Party Started

I must say that my wife Olive and I were initially surprised by your rather blunt request, not to mention your announcement that you will be visiting our home. Indeed, I do not believe that we have ever met. Although I am sure that you are a delightful young lady, and you would certainly be welcome chez Turnbull, I wish to voice a few concerns.

I am unaware where exactly you are “coming up” from; if your arrival is imminent, I fear you may be rather disappointed by our “party”. There is a “Tesco Express” a few minutes’ walk away, and I could certainly arrange the purchase of “Mini Sausage Rolls”, “Twiglets”, or even “Babycham”. In your song, you make no mention of any dietary requirements; I therefore assume that you have no allergies or particular gastronomic aversions.

Regarding guests, our good friends Derek and Jean Philpott have agreed to attend, and I have no doubt that you will find them to be excellent company. Olive suggested inviting our neighbour Gordon Gillard; however, I feel that his tendency to launch into meandering anecdotes may be at odds with your own direct style of communication.

As I am still unsure of the timing of your arrival, I would be grateful if you contact me when you are nearing the Southbourne area. Olive and I have recently acquired a “Mobile Telephone” each, and you can even “Txt” us (the misspelling of “Text” is of course deliberate!)

On a more serious note, Pink, I need hardly point out that decadent or lewd behaviour will not be tolerated.

Yours sincerely

Wilf Turnbull


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