Dear The Cult

Re: She Sells Sanctuary

I write with concern regarding your enigmatic female subject's current business enterprise, as, although the sale of refuge harbours and safe, sheltered areas is admittedly a novel and indeed niche concept, I fear it may be doomed to failure for the following reasons:

Any business founded upon the core principle of the sale of “immunity plots” would surely be fatally compromised if they are traded upon the open market, as the locations by definition would become made public. For example, if I myself were a predator intent on homing in on the likely haven of a quarry, the very first place that I would look would be the “shop window” (whether “virtual” or literal) of an asylum estate agent such as that run by your entrepreneurial acquaintance. I would also look out for any plot bearing a “Sale Agreed” or “Sold” placards depicting her company's “logo”.

Let us examine an alternative potential business which your friend may consider, with reference to your “back catalogue”. Intriguingly, you describe a malevolent gizmo called a “Love Removal Machine”. Although I do not personally champion emotion extraction contrivances, I imagine that patenting and marketing such a device may be beneficial in war zones and perhaps “The Jeremy Kyle Show”. I would certainly be interested to witness the relevant “pitch” on BBC TV's “Dragon's Den”.

As for your “singer” Ian Astbury's fondness for filling the shoes of deceased 60's rock stars by joining their old bands, I learnt with sadness recently of the passing of┬áthe elastic-legged Mr. Freddie Garrity. While not wishing to take advantage of such tragic circumstances, I feel that the situation may present an opportunity for Mr Astbury. Clearly, the new combo would have to be renamed “Ian and The Dreamers” and I would suggest an adaptation of your “wardrobe”; namely, from a “Cherokee/ Lizard King” look to a more sombre three piece suit.

I trust that the above has been helpful and wish you all well on your chosen paths.

Yours sincerely

Wilf Turnbull

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